Office Monkey

Soulpepper just announced their 2009 season and it looks awesome: Stoppard’s Travesties, Glengarry Glen Ross, Orton’s Loot, and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? This year’s Under Milkwood will also get another run. I wasn’t interested but a friend insists that it’s a must see so i will add it to the list for 2009.

If you’re not doing anything this weekend, Soulpepper’s The Real Inspector Hound/Black Comedy closes on saturday. It’s probably the most enjoyable evening i’ve ever had at a theatre. ever. in my whole entire life. check it out if you can. you won’t be disappointed. unless you set your expectations too high. so keep them low. even though it really was the best thing i’ve ever seen. ever. in my whole entire life.

What would you think of someone if:

- There were two women in the office who were almost nothing alike. Not in age, ethnicity, physical appearance, education, personality or interests. Even their names were entirely dissimilar. And yet “someone” kept calling one by the other’s name. Repeatedly. And these two women were the only brown women in the office. And “someone” didn’t mix up the names of *anyone* else.

- ‘Someone’ seemed to have a familiarity/knowledge around racial terms/slang (”Brown town, yeah that’s Brampton, or Bramledesh- you know, cuz there’s so many brown people there”).

- At a work social, a colleague was telling a story about their friend and mentioned that the friend was black and upon hearing this, “someone” turned their head around to look at the one black person sitting at the table.

- ‘Someone’ constantly used inappropriate figurative language such as “retarded,” and “lame,” even though ’someone’ works with special needs programming.

Which is why my colleagues probably think I’m a neanderthal. Following moments like these, I get an overwhelming urge to prove that I am not, in fact, a bigot, and try to work in some choice examples of how “progressive” I am into the conversation. Of course, for the most part there isn’t a ready opening to declare oneself a supporter of same sex marriage or a proponent of pluralism and equity so I just end up blurting out “helpful” phrases at random wherever I can squeeze’em in.

I am not David Brent.

Who would have guessed that self-righteous indignation would be the impetus to finally get me blogging again?

Without further ado-

I work in an office that runs four branches. We all work to support the Big Man Upstairs (BMU). One of our branches prepared a chart for the BMU. Our office then asked the branch to revise it so that it contained this year’s financial data only. My work colleague- let’s call him The Office Superstar, specifically told them how to do it by directing them to delete everything except for the first five columns of the chart. Then he actually went to the trouble of naming the headings of the five columns he wanted. Here is the email:

————————————————————–
Hi all,

The BMU has reviewed the chart and is very happy with what we’ve provided– kudos.

The BMU has asked that we pare the chart down to the first five columns- financial data for 2008/09.
Would include: Region, Agency, 08/09 Old Funding, 08/09 New Funding, 08/09 Total Funding- Old and New.

Please provide the updated chart for 10:00am tomorrow morning.

Best,
The Office Superstar
————————————————-

The next day, we received a chart with 7 columns (the two extra columns providing 09/10 data).

How does that happen? Especially since by the time something gets to me it’s gone through 4-5 people and 2 levels of approval (the analyst, his/her manager, the administrative assistant, the executive assistant, and the director).

Sometimes, because I know how many people see it before I do, I wonder if maybe I’m the one on the wrong page. I wasn’t, and getting the branch to correct this straightforward error was about as straightforward as getting them to complete the original task.

I wrote, “The request was to only include 08/09 info (first 5 columns)? Has direction changed on this?”

I receive, “Scrolling down to Superstar’s email, he requested first 5 columns with financial information that are included in this version. The last 2 columns outline ongoing funding as well.”

?. This person makes more than $80 000/year and she can’t read. She misread Superstar’s email and now with my email flagging and repeating Superstar’s direction, she still doesn’t catch it. That’s two very simple and direct emails that she can’t follow.

Another analyst, let’s call him Marginally Useful, thankfully steps in and (minimally) corrects the chart by removing the two extra columns.

Then I receive from Ms. $80 000, “Just got Marginally Useful’s email, first 5 columns starting from far left not from start of financial information.”

??. My issue was resolved. In fact, she had to read the email that was sent to me that resolved the issue, to catch up! Now she’s emailing me her new found understanding… for my benefit?!?!?! *chokes on her coffee*

I couldn’t let it go and responded:

————————————-
Hi Not Worth Half Your Salary,

Thanks, yes, I read Superstar’s email indicating that he only wanted 08/09 info and listing the headings of the 5 columns he was looking for.

When I got the revised chart, I saw that it included 09/10 info as well so I was just touching base with the branch to see if direction had changed since Superstar’s email.

Thanks again!
——————————————-

Hopefully that was polite and pointed enough. Oh, I didn’t actually call her “Not Worth Half Your Salary.”

And if a simple task that is clearly explained to them in three different ways cannot be successfully completed, can you imagine then, how chaotic their performance in trying to manage province-wide programs and policies?

The challenge is trying to identify the lesson learned here. Did I miss something? Should Superstar have avoided using the word “pare” in his email? Or highlighted the more important details when breaking down tasks- 08/09 only, and five columns, or numbered the headings 1. Agency, 2. Region?

Am I failing to acknowledge the good work of the branch? After all, the chart originally had 12 columns so they did successfully remove 5…

I promise to be more (though not entirely) sane tomorrow.

I saw Geoff Pevere on the street today! woohoo!

fave movie critics:
Rick Groen
Katrina Onstad
Geoff Pevere

But i’ve only seen Onstad and Pevere on TV so I don’t know how they come across when they write. I did read Mondo Canuck which Pevere co-wrote but I don’t remember much of the writing style. Groen is awesome. I read his reviews just because i enjoy his writing and his brain. i totally appreciate the small qualifications he makes that seem to indicate a sense of careful judgement. Like in his review of Lady Chatterly, he writes, “Ironically, perhaps, the English novel has been tamed by a French director.” I totally dig that “perhaps.”

I wonder what Groen would say about my choosing the above sentence as the defining excerpt of his article. Yup, I know how to sell’em.

i love his brain. I wonder what he looks like… can i escalate his status from admired to adored? I have a hard time not crushing on people I admire. just can’t distinguish between esteem and lust. it’s all the same!

Multitasking:
was editting a document on word while on the phone. Highlighted a portion of text I wanted to erase. Pressed the release key on the phone instead of the delete button on the keyboard.

“if the teacher teaches it and the student gets it, then the student will be prepared for the future.”

- the above was uttered by one of the teachers i work with at the school where i’m interning. what i find interesting and telling about this remark is the concept of teaching existing even if nothing is learnt. ??

also went to a community centre to find out what free/drop-in services are available to seniors and students alike. found the woman to be very preoccupied with race. asked what our ethnicity was and then mentioned that they had a lot of chinese members. not sure what connection they were trying to make there. this is after my mom has stated that korean is it’s own language and alphabet completely separate from chinese. they also proceeded to suggest activities like reiki (which is japanese! not chinese!) and qi gong to my mom. i don’t understand. it’s not like i find out someone’s french and then try to introduce them to yodelling or scottish dancing … and if you don’t know anything about the cultures, why assume?

later, a friendly elderly gentleman offers me and my mom coffee and when my mom makes a joke about her poor english pronunciation he responds, “well, i’m sure it’s better than my chinese!” again… why make the assumption? or is it really still believed that one can use chinese as a short hand to describe all things east asian (or even asian in general) without offense?

to be fair, upon further reflection, maybe the woman was just a bad listener. my mom repeatedly mentioned that she wasn’t interested in relaxation activities but she just kept pushin’ em on her- reiki, qi gong, meditation, gentle yoga…

Thanks for all your comments. hilarious. Thought i’d wrap it up with this endnote:

A few weeks ago I was at Yonge and Sheppard waiting for the bus to head home. It was rush hour and there was a bunch of us at the bus stop. In front of us, a sea of cars waited for the light to change. As the light turned green, the flow of traffic was abruptly halted by a car that had stalled in the middle lane. We stared through the vehicle’s passenger window at the helpless driver while motorists honked impatiently behind him. Cars eventually attempted to go around the car but with little success. Finally, the light turned back to red and the driver was given some respite.

The action got more exciting for us onlookers when a pedestrian- young scruffy guy- started walking quickly towards the car while yelling to get the driver’s attention. The driver ignored the young man-even when Scruffy had made it to the car and was knocking on his window- until he yelled, “you need some help?”

Our bus arrived but from my seat I watched the young guy and driver push the car to the side of road. Totally blown away at this man’s initiative and compassion and a little sheepish as one of a horde of people who’d witnessed the entire episode and perceived the motorist’s distress as nothing more than spectacle. I was silently grateful the bus had arrived so we weren’t still all standing there when Scruffy walked past the bus stop. *resolves to do better next time*

And then there’s people like the napkin lady. I was walking through a building lobby with a tim hortons coffee that had spilled on my way there. I pop into a little food kiosk in the foyer and reach up to grab a napkin when the employee there remarks, “those are for paying customers.” I nod and tell her that I spilt my coffee and wanted to clean it off. She responds, “maybe you should have gotten napkins at tim hortons.” !!! i left the kiosk very angry and without a napkin!!! I shoulda bought a coffee off her and then taken all her precious napkins!!! blargh.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.
- Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets

As an end of year assignment for my school and society class (which i loved- the most challenging class in my program by far) my prof asked that we each make a “brick” towards “building” an equitable classroom. The brick should be decorated/designed to reflect our teaching philosophies and how we plan to make our classroom inclusive. a little hokey, i know, but whatever, i cut and pasted my teaching vision onto a box.

Then we presented them in class and after 4 months of careful in-depth examination of inequity in the classroom, i was blown away at the ridiculous amount of bullshitting and trite reflections which at best were weak platitudes and at worst- misguided and harmful views. A sample:

- i glued all these buttons on my box. They’re different shapes, sizes and colours, just like the diversity of abilities and identities of my students in the classroom.

- my brick is a garden. i have seeds, that represent students and the different flowers that grow are like the diversity of abilities and identities of my students in the classroom. Some of them need more water, but some of them need more sunlight.. just like some are more visual learners and others might need more one-on-one attention. I also added a lady bug. the lady bug represents equity. because lady bugs eat aphids, which eat plants. and aphids represent exclusion. so with equity, we’ll have no exclusion and the flowers, i mean students, won’t die.

- my brick is also a garden. i have seeds, but they represent knowledge and how we can help that knowledge grow. and these are tools, which represent equity and inclusion.

- my brick is also a garden. i have seeds and tools too.

- my brick is actually a banner with the word welcome written in different languages. The different languages show the diversity of the classroom.

- my brick is a ring of lightbulbs. the different shapes and sizes of the lightbulbs show the diversity of the class. and if one of them doesn’t light up, then none of them do.. which represents my idea of inclusion.

- my brick is a meal. i have steak for north america, sushi for asia, caprese salad for europe, morrocan olives for africa and brazilian tea for south america. this represents the diversity of the classroom. insert cooking metaphors here (students are ingredients, teacher is chef..some people like their steak medium, some like it well done, students might take different amounts of time to learn).

- my brick is a scale made out of rulers, paper clips and textbooks. I used rulers because there are certain “measures” we have to take to ensure equity. paper clips because they hold things together and inclusion keeps everyone together.

- i tried to include all types of identity here on my brick: age, religion, ethnicity, ability, gender. all of them are represented so everyone’s included.

you’d think after 4 months of class we would have moved beyond, “there’s diversity in our classrooms.” and a person’s identity isn’t solely determined by those identifiers which we so often use to marginalize and discriminate individuals: class, age, religion, ethnicity, ability and gender. That’s going back to identifying P as “The Nigerian” while the rest of us are given the privilege of being perceived as complete individuals. i dunno. maybe i’m not being fair. but i thought it was mostly a bunch of hooey.