you know what’s annoying? when a guy suggests watching a movie, insists on watching something i haven’t seen, and then starts macking on me during the flick.
/shakes head. unacceptable. can’t respect a man who doesn’t respect the storyteller.
yep.
(working on posts of more um… substance, but until work slows down, this is all i got).
i seemed to have accidentally deleted a number of comments from my blog. damnit. my apologies to folks who commented. will try to prevent that from happening again.
It has been a long and exhausting week and it’s made me irritable. Without ado:
Jerk the First: Michael Buble
When he moons over the girl he misses as he’s jet-setting around the world, he sings:
“I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two, I’m fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough.
My words were cold and flat, and you deserve more than that.”
What. You haven’t sent her any letters since you’ve been away? And if she deserves more than that, then why give her less than that? Ass.
2. AJ (Empire Records)
Witness the depth and breadth of hip teen love:
“You remember that day… you wore that skirt that I hate? The one with the flowers. Yeah, the blue one. I hate that skirt. It’s good that I hate that skirt. Listen. Listen to me. That skirt made me realize that… if I can love her in that skirt, then this must really be it. Corey, I love you.”
(but ya better keep taking those diet pills, eh Corey?)
3. Big (Sex and the City)
Emailing a bunch of cut and pasted love letters from a book your bride left at your place is NOT ENOUGH to make up for leaving her at the altar. Seriously dudes, why is it so hard to write a goddamn letter.
4. Simon Pegg in Run Fat Boy Run
What I found really refreshing about Spaced was that Pegg wrote himself a character who, while nerdy (comic books, video games, movies), was an emotionally mature individual. He was a considerate, giving, good friend to his female roommate.
None of that appears in this movie character (which he helped write). Here, Pegg’s underdog is very familiar: unreliable, self-involved, constantly imposing on others, yes, funny and sometimes cute, but immature.
Thandie Newton deserves a better ending than re-uniting with the fat boy who left her pregnant and alone at the altar because 5 years later, he runs a marathon. What. The. Fuck.
5. Any romance where the pinnacle of happiness and fulfillment for her revolves around getting him to merely express his need, love and/or approval of her.
Like in Payback (what? whaddya mean decade old references? it’s still relevant!!) when Mel Gibson’s Porter cheats on his wife with Rosie, then leaves Rosie, then comes back when he needs help which fucks up her life and almost gets her raped and killed. When she demands to know why she should help him, he responds that she’s the only one he can trust and needs her, and apparently that makes it all worth it. kill me.
It is a total coincidence that it’s Valentine’s Day 2 days from now.
Sometimes i neglect regular life maintenance to a point where there is a failure to abide by even the most basic precepts of social conduct and decency. Last weekend was ridiculous.
Highlights include:
- Borrowed money from 3 immediate family members (i have 4 in total)
- Ate half a jar of salsa for dinner
- Spent a night sleeping in a desk chair
- Peed in a styrofoam cup
This weekend: working my way from simian to sapien to rejoin modern day civilization.
learned another lesson tonight:
Getting stood up- also a waste of time. But still more efficient than if the date actually showed up and i had to go through the whole course of a date.
I need to date less. Because, quite frankly, I’m bad at it.
Reviewing my dating history, a mere 1/3 of experiences were worthwhile/of any value. Based on a preliminary analysis of the remaining 67% (ie. entirely useless experiences), here are some initial lessons learned that may help with future performance:
1. Do not accept dates when the only thing known about the person is, ‘his brother’s a lawyer in Boston.’ In the face of uncertainty, skepticism is the better advisor. The greater the unknown, the more pessimistic i should be. There is no room for optimism. Optimism is a time waster.
2. A man is not his dvd collection. There is little evidence correlating how much i like someone’s dvd collection with how compatible we’ll be as partners.
3. Get over the novelty of men showing interest. There is no need to date each and every one of them.
4. do not pick up drunk men. Yes, drunk men love me. But they will sober up and it is too costly to keep them inebriated.
That’s all I got so far. And I’m not 100% sold on #2. or #4 for that matter.
Was chatting with a friend and she mentioned back in high school a prof of hers once said that the best thing about sex was the post-coital chat in bed and that, in the end, as great as it is, physical intimacy was merely a means to get to this after-sex verbal exchange.
…
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Can you follow this email train? If not, you may be qualified to work for the civil service.
Below is an email exchange between myself (in head office) and one of our branches.
—–Original Message—–
From: Me
To: Schmuck
Cc: Me
Sent: Mon Dec 08 14:43:22 2008
Subject: Action RequiredHi Schmuck. This is now approved. Can you please forward to finance?
—–Original Message—–
From: Schmuck
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008 2:45 PM
To: Me
Subject: Re: Action RequiredPlease have (internal branch staff member name) forward to finance.
—–Original Message—–
From: Me
Sent: December 8, 2008 2:47 PM
To: Schmuck
Cc: Me
Subject: RE: Action RequiredI think this was sent to me in error?
Me.—–Original Message—–
From: Schmuck
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008 2:51 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE: Action RequiredWait a second… you lost me. Didn’t you send it to yourself a moment ago?
Schmuck
Are you serious? really? really!? Schmuck got “lost” in a 3-link email exchange between himself and one other person?
—–Original Message—–
From: Me
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008 2:53 PM
To: Schmuck
Cc: Me
Subject: RE: Action RequiredThe direction to action this within the branch to one of your units is not being sent to me to do?
Thanks,
Me.
I cannot believe I had to do that.
DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!?
I love Beyonce’s new single, If I Were a Boy. It’s a pop song about gender and privilege!
- there’s enough cutlery in the bag for 4 people.
